Every so often you have to make a decision on whether you are going to let a stagnant relationship stay stagnant, make an effort to change it for the better or end it. It’s totally fine if you want to keep the relationship the way it is and it also perfectly fine to end it. I personally believe that making an effort to change the relationship is the hardest of the three decisions.
It all starts with a conversation. Communication is key and extremely vital to any long-lasting relationship. Before you approach any situation it is usually best to assess yourself to see what place you’re coming from. Are you coming from a place of peace and solidity or are you coming from a place of angst and anger? Think about the things you want to get said during the conversation, make mental bullet points. It’s always good to prepare yourself and think of possible situations and how you will handle them.
Tip: Never go into any conversation ready for a fight or angry because even if what you are going to say is truth you won’t be saying it to be heard, you will be saying it to hurt them and that never gets you anywhere.
No matter how prepared you are the one thing you cannot control is how the addressee will react/respond. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you say or even how you say it, the recipient will not hear it and that’s okay.
Really, it’s okay.
What isn’t okay is not saying how you feel and not trying. It’s better to try and then leave the ball in the other person’s court than to not say anything at all and continue to stay stagnant or let hurt/hard feelings fester and boil until you explode causing in an even bigger mess.
So say whatever it is that you need to say. If the other person doesn’t care to or isn’t capable of receiving what you’re giving then that isn’t your problem. But if they don’t care to change then move on, don’t keep pestering them. Sometimes it may not have anything to do with you. They may not be in a place to hear your words.
You just do you and be proud of making the decision to extend yourself regardless of the outcome!
I’m sure anyone reading this has been hurt at least once in their life. I’m not talking physical hurt as in stubbing your toe or breaking a bone (although both are equally painful). No, I’m talking full on emotional, mental and soul crushing hurt. Whether it was hurtful words being thrown at you like recently sharpened shuriken, losing a beloved or even something that wasn’t aimed directly at you but still clings on to you like a leech.
I’ve experienced all three and I’ve learned the process I myself go through very well. It starts with simple hurt feelings that just stay there nagging at me, tugging at my heart just when I thought I’d forgotten about it. Then the resentment grows and every word and action that person does irritates me. All it takes is one tiny comment to send me spiraling. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry and I feel as if my soul is being crushed. Then I get angry. I get the urge to throw things and the two-year old in me throws a little inner tantrum. Last I get quiet and plot the things I’m going to say to make them feel the way they made me feel. But the thing is I never follow through with that last part.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been on the receiving end of so many snarky comments and hurtful words that I know how it feels and don’t take action. I always say to myself “How would I benefit?” and more importantly “What’s the point of hurting that person?” all it does is create a nasty cycle and honestly, it’s not worth it.
My point is. Let. It. Go.
I know it’s hard. I know how much you want to spit venom right back and make them feel your pain. I know how it feels to want to crawl in bed and sob your heart out. I know how hard it is to just let it roll off your shoulder. But don’t spill the words and go ahead and let those rocks fall off your back. You’ll be a better person for it. I’m not saying don’t ever confront the person because if it’s something that is truly hurtful you should never let it continue, you shouldn’t ever let someone abuse you. What I’m saying is don’t do it in that moment because the only result is going to be a screaming match (maybe physical altercations) and more hurt feelings. Wait a couple of days or weeks until you’re calm enough to have a civil conversation.
Keep in mind though that the person may not understand, laugh it off and tell you to get over it but that’s not what matters. The only thing that matters is that you get to say what needs said, the key is not caring how what you say is perceived because that’s never up to you. It’s ok if that person doesn’t take it well, that’s their problem not yours. But don’t ever let them pull you down to their level, once you have raised your voice you’ve already lost.
So let it go. Your hurt will heal over time and your life is better without toxic people in your life.